The first two paragraph are the same as the previous draft but upon Simon's recommendation I have reworked the third paragraph as to read in the same style as the first and second.
Football is the greatest passion in the young life of Luke Wood. He will play anywhere he can. So when he comes across an empty goods yard on a journey home it proves simply too tempting an opportunity to pass up. One powerful kick is all it takes to start a chain of events that leads him into terrible, life threatening danger. It is that one kick that sends the ball high up onto the roof of an old derelict factory. The decision to retrieve it is the step that triggers a devastating series of events that will remain with Luke forever and inevitably touch lives other than his own. When he steps onto a rotten wooden cover it suddenly gives way and he is plunged into a dark and threatening abyss leaving him trapped, frightened and yearning for the light and safety of the outside world.
Britain’s fire fighters engage in countless hours of training in preparation for every conceivable scenario. So when the call comes in the members of the specialist urban search and rescue team move swiftly and seemingly effortlessly into action. But on duty today is a fire fighter who has his own particular reasons for wanting to secure a successful outcome to this job. Oliver knows only too well the heartbreak of losing a child through a senseless, tragic accident. Having just returned to work after an extended absence and still raw from the loss of his own daughter he understands the fragility of young life and is plagued by the realisation that this shout could turn out just as badly. With complete disregard for his own safety this rescue attempt will either help him find closure for his daughter’s untimely passing or end his career and destroy his soul.
As the terrifyingly dangerous and rapidly developing events of the present come crashing down around the cowering young boy are intertwined in Oliver’s mind with the painful details of his past, he will be continually tested to his extremes. Not knowing if he can overcome physical, emotional and spiritual barriers Oliver must let himself be taken over by an unexpected and unformulated determination. To do anything possible to snatch Luke from the jaws of death, that focused and unchangeable goal which he must complete to save himself as well as the injured boy.
This details and sells the story really well. Just needs a little tweak that tells us what kind of story it is, (ie a short film) and the type of genre/tone... ie fasting moveing action.... put that all in in the manner you've written the rest.
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